breakburnandends:

my legs feel so smooth wo- oh my god i missed an entire spot: a memoir

peevesies:

i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother

best-of-funny:

airagorn:

dumb story because i think i’m funny

we were watching a movie in school and there was a scene where this guy was driving over lava and they kept showing close up shots of the tires catching on fire and i started laughing and my friend kept asking me what was so funny and when i finally composed myself i took a deep breathe and whispered

‘hot wheels’

X